Work is going ok I guess I am so swamped.. but everyone has to wait their turn I’m getting their pics done as fast as I can… it’s the best I can do while trying to find a balance between a work at home mom now again with an infant..  I didn’t realize how spoiled I was working from home with older kids in school until I had to go to doing daycare and work at home..lol..

Last weekend my mother in law came to visit… I hope she and the kids enjoyed each others company..My husband and I had hurt feelings after the visit..  I don’t even know how to describe sometimes what people can do to others in a matter of words..

I’m looking forward to the holidays this year again.. after losing my dad in 05 things haven’t been the easiest around Christmas/time I lost him.. but this year I think having a new little one sort of re-energizes the holidays again… and I know the older ones will not disappoint on entertaining us either

Here’s a resent picture I did of our youngest. I love it.. yes.. she’s got a bare butt but I can’t help but think it’s cute.. I’ve got ones with her halloween onesie too..lol..

Sitting here today listening to my little girl talk in her crib I look back at the last year and a half.

We started out on a journey of not knowing if we’d have Lydia.. or baby #4 at the time. We’d sunk so much money into dh getting a vas. reversal with the dream of having one more child. The waiting game seemed to have taken forever before we found out if it was successful. Then waiting and trying to conceive. Not know if it would indeed work or if it did how long it would take.

Truly our baby girl is a miracle in many ways to me.. Reversal was done just before Christmas in 07. Dh got a good report from his doctor in April.. We found out we were pregnant in June.. I couldn’t have asked for a better result.

Then came the next stage… I started spotting. I thought for sure we were losing the baby. I laid on the couch and cried one Friday knowing we couldn’t get in to see the doctor until Monday.. Then came Monday and she assured us not to worry and sent us in for blood work where we had to wait for results to make sure I still have high enough numbers to warrent an ultrasound… I remember waiting for that number.. so we could finally see if we did indeed have a baby that was ok..

Then we got to see that little flutter of a heart beat.. see her little limbs starting to form and I took a sigh of relief.. There was indeed a little one in there after.

Then came the horrible sickness.. I was in the ER at least 2x’s for dehydration. Given lots of medicine to try to get nutrients to stay in me. I remember there were days that I just wish I would die.. I remember trying to take care of my three older children and crying “what did I do” I felt horrible for them because I wasn’t able to care for them like I should have.. I felt horrible all the time. I was so worried about the life I was carrying and if that life was ok too…

Finally they found a medicine that worked and things started to improve… I ended up with horrible carpal tunnel from the pregnancy that I suffered through and never thought would end… I had to give up taking pictures.. toward the end I couldn’t even work and do my editing. Nights I suffered with sever pain and most days I had to give up even the simplest of tasks. I lived daily with icy hot on my wrists and any remedy I could fine to relieve the pain and wearing the braces that felt more like torture devices. I refused the codeine I was prescribed and the sleeping pills for fear of what they’d do to the baby.. and suffered through the last 2 months.

Then the day of little miss’s arrival.. We were induced.. The night before when they’d started induction didn’t work… So that next day they bumped things up after I hadn’t had any real progress the night before (along with no sleep). First they started me on a different  medicine to get things going faster- Then while 2 other women were in the final stages of their deliveries she decided to break my water. With Em’s birth as soon as my water was broke I progressed pretty fast.. She had to go deliver another baby and the other doctor on call was with another patient in delivery. I was told to try to hold out as long as possible before I pushed.. I couldn’t. I don’t know how they expected me too. I pushed and pushed and then I just couldn’t push anymore. I was so exhausted I couldn’t get her out.. They were yelling at me to push I was trying.. but I just couldn’t get her out. Both my midwife and the doctor were now with me. One pushing on my stomach.. the other pulling on the baby trying to get her out.. I was trying to get her out but I just couldn’t. When they got her out she had the cord wrapped around her neck 2x’s and was very dark blue… They rushed her over to the table and for what seemed like an eternity they tried to get her to breath.  Vince swears it wasn’t only a few minutes but I just laid there with dread in my heart- so scared I’d never hear her cry. When they carried her over they only carried her by one arm and one leg.. no support. We aren’t sure if that was a part of it.. or the fact she was stuck and they had to pull her out but she came out with a fractured collar bone..  Her arm was limp and she barely moved it.  They took her away from us for a few hours. Running tests and trying to find out how bad she was. I had her in the early afternoon and didn’t get to hold her until the evening. Everyone wanted her name… and I kept telling my husband we weren’t naming her until I had her. Finally after a lot of nagging they took me down to see her.. Oh how beautiful Lydia was in her warmer. One of our favorite nurses was trying to clean her hair for me.. She had a full head of hair. The only baby we’d had with all that hair.. She was gorgeous and so fragile and her poor arm just laid to her side. My heart ached with the idea she was hurt.. and not knowing the extent. We left that hospital furious with everything and determined she’d be well loved no matter what happened with her arm. I tried telling the midwife my fears of having a larger baby than I’d previously had.. she ignored them.. I do somewhat blame some of the happens on my midwife.. and I’ve had alot of unresolved anger for the whole thing.

I’ve watched this baby grow now into a 6 month old.. A very bright little girl.. I’ve watched her overcome her issues with her hand and now she uses it not as good as her left but not to far off…

So many times I forget all the things I’m grateful for.. and I just wanted to write that I am very grateful. I have a very loving/supportive husband who has been by my side for 14 1/2 years- 13 of which we’ve called each other husband and wife. We have 4 amazing and wonderful children. With the birth of our 4th I think it just made me wake up and realize just how truly blessed we really are!

I really think I found the reason why Lydia stopped sleeping through the night. She started to sleep through the night around 3 1/2 months and then just recently she’s been getting up more. Every time we get up I realize she’s cold. The onesie that I’ve been putting her in just isn’t enough at night (thinking it’s summer and it’s hot in here.. but during the night the house cools right off) So we are back to her footed pj’s. Yes, she may be a bit too warm when she first goes to bed, but these work like a charm to keep her warm all night. I’ve learned.. Warm baby= baby that sleeps till at least 6 every morning

We’ve started baby foods.. rice cereal, sweet potatoes, peaches were a first last night, peas, applesauce and pears. I do believe she eats the pears down faster than any other food. I put her little highchair together last night but right now I think her sitting on the table in her bumba chair while we all eat and she eats with her has been working out well. She loves to be on the table and seeing her siblings. Not the most proper way of doing it but it works so well. She’s definately got this eating trick down

Today we are going to go meet my husbands grandparents. They are up from Texas. As much as we’d love to go and visit family down that way it’s so nice they’ve come up every summer to visit. We enjoy their visits and hope they have many more years of coming this way.. They’ve never met Lydia.. so this is their first visit since we’ve had her… I hope she is a good little girl today to meet her grandparents…

and I’m going to try to post a pic Since I think I will be keeping this blog

at the park

big girl sitting up

I will share private posts to some… just not everyone. These posts are more personal and I really need to moderate who can read them..

For some reason I was feeling a bit down yesterday. I don’t know really why. I guess alot of things have been adding up here and there along the way and instead of dealing with them I just try to forget about them.

Yesterday though instead of the kids fighting their boredom here we went to the park.. I love watching them play. Hearing them laugh and have fun. The one decision in my life that I will never regret is having children.   I’d always wanted to be a mom there was never a doubt in my mind about that.  We started having children very young. I was 21 when I had Vinnie. Still very young myself. Zach soon followed. I loved having 2 little boys in tow.. They were so much fun..  I have so many memories of my two little guys.  From squirt gun fights to train rides. I’ll always carry these through my life with such a warm happiness with them. Now I look at my boys and they aren’t so little anymore. I realize how fast time has gone and we are moving onto new things.. no longer are there toy trains and cars in our house.. but video games and collecting cards.. or the conversation of soccer season to start soon.. I look back and miss those two little boys but also look ahead and enjoy these times to come.

I realized through having them that time moves by so swiftly. You need to really enjoy the moment you are in because each one is fleating.. each one goes by so fast and you are onto the next… I have added a daughter into the mix.. who is now loving to have her nails painted.. and who is still very tomboyish.. but who has grown so fast in front of my eyes… She’s now 8 and I look at Lydia and wonder where the time has gone since Em was that size…

Lydia is our last little blessing.  After Emily I was sad about not having more children (we changed our minds and went through alot of work for Lydia) But now.. I feel as though a door is closed forever. I do not have that sadness anymore. Only the love and joy of having 4 children in my heart. I can look at each milestone Lydia takes and not feel the longing of seeing another child go through these like I did after each of my older children. No instead I only feel blessed to be able to see things one more time… to experience watching one more child grow up.. No regrets on not having more.. just a full heart to have what I have. For once in my life I feel whole and happy. Even when I have days of feeling down I am overwhelmed with the love that pours in…

I will never regret being a mom.. it’s a part of me that was just always missing…

It’s so hard to believe that 8 years ago today I was heading out to a routine doctors appointment. I still had a week or so until Em was due by one doctors estimate- and she was over due by another doctors estimate (my first doctor retired 1/2 way through the pregnancy)  I went in thinking it was going to be another quick in and out sort of things and I’d still be waiting for the birth of that baby girl…

Plans got changed though when I went in. The midwife decided to do an ultrasound to make sure that the baby was head down- within that ultrasound she started looking for function of the lungs and checking the baby out since she had decided we were to term if not over term. As she was examining the screen she looked back at me and said she wanted the doctor to go over the ultrasound with her. As the doctor went over the ultrasound he confirmed that the baby was indeed a girl by saying that she looked fine and that she didn’t need to show lung movement in the ultrasound and that he assured me she was fine. After the doctor left the room my midwife looked at me and told me that all babies should be inhailing and exhailing out amniotic fluid and she didn’t think that our little one was doing as she should. She told me I could wait longer and see if I went into labor or we could induce that night and get the baby delivered. I of course chose to deliver and after I’d made that decision my midwife told me she felt better with that idea then letting the baby go on longer.

I left the office and found the pay phone at the local hospital around the corner and called my husband.. I just caught him before he left work. I said what are you doing tonight.. and he laughed and said meeting the water treatment guy like we had scheduled (he was coming to fill our treatment tanks and check the system that night) I said well do you want to have a baby- he laughed and told everyone at work he was taking his vacation next week and he was going to go have a baby

After the treatment guy was done on the water system we dropped the boys of with their great grandma and headed into the hospital. We were told to be there around 6 for the induction.. She incerted a pill up in my cervix to start along the process and I was having contractions really nice onces by 9pm.. She proceeded to break my water around 10:30 and we delivered Emily at 12:35 am on June 30th 2001..

Emily had meconium in her amniotic water around her.. and I had to deliver her head out first so they could suction that out before I could deliver the rest of her.. the midwife thinks that might have been the reason why she wasn’t breathing in utero.. but she came out pink and perfectly healthy and beautiful…

I remember staying up all night.. they’d wheeled her down so I could get some rest and I just laid in bed watching the sunrise come up thinking oh my… I’ve got a baby girl… I’d known from the ultrasound but just couldn’t wrap my head around that she was really going to be a girl after hearing my oldest son via ultrasound was a girl..I’d given up on them being correct and thinking we’d have a girl.. We knew this was our last child.. and I didn’t know if I’d have a daughter or not (well she was our last at the time.. Lydia.. whole different story.. a changed decision and alot of work..lol)

I waited until I thought it was late enough in the morning and went down to the nursury at 6 am to retrieve my little girl.. I just couldn’t wait any longer.. I sat there and help her and rocked her.. she was so perfect…

Now I have a very beautiful, perfect and loving 8 year old little girl.. boy has the time flown.. seems like just yesterday I had a newborn who I had just brought home and was still realing in the excitement of having my baby girl… Her first 4th of July we took her to the parade and she slept through the whole thing.. I still laugh at that now…

I love ya miss Emily.. you’ve been such a wonderful addition to our family.. Everyday I’m so thankful for such a precious daughter I have.. I’ve watched you grow through the years and am so amazed with how much you’ve changed and how much you grown each year… I’m so excited to see you growing into a young lady.. and finding yourself.

I took one of Lydia’s gift cards and ordered her the cutest toy set. It’s called baby beach band.. It’s a little musical set with a drum and instruments that look like a lobster.. clams and so on. As much as this baby loves music I thought she would have so much fun with this toy once she starts sitting up better— yes.. sitting up better. This little girl is already trying so hard to sit up… and she’s constantly moving. It’s amazing how much she changes from day to day. We’ve had a rough couple of days but I think alot of that has to do with teeth and the heat. She’s not used to the heat and it’s finally starting to act like summer around here now.

Today was a 1/2 day for Em and Zach so I whipped up homemade pizza for lunch which is one of their favorite things. I know with the heat this summer we will not be turning the oven on a whole lot so I made sure we did it today while we could open all the windows and throw the fans on to cool things back down. They have one more 1/2 day then they are out for the summer. Em’s so excited to see who she will have next year for a teacher- That should be revealed tomorrow in her report card. Zach will be making the transition over into the highschool with starting middle school next year. It should be a bit easier on him than it was for Vinnie since Vin is just a year ahead and already there. Vinnie is starting modified sports this year. They petitioned the school and got soccer placed back into the modified sports for the boys and Vinnie is already signed up and ready for it to start in August. He’s thinking he wants to continue with the youth league too his final year so we shall see if he can keep up with his school work… then modified soccer followed by youth soccer every night.

I’m almost caught up on my work.. Anyone that thinks that work at home mom’s have it made should come to my house.. I have a baby that would disagree that I need to get other things done during the day other than holding her.. One more client left and I’m caught up for a while which will be a welcome break… I want to spend as much time with the kids as possible this summer. Last summer I was so sick that I didn’t get to really have a summer with the kids. Everything revolved around if I was well enough to go and do things with them.. or if I had to go to the ER to be rehydrated at the time. This year will be different.  I’m so looking forward to the next couple of months with them all being home.

I’ve found a couple of projects I want to start. One a plack to hang on the new porch with our name and established in 96 on it… Another are baby blocks with a vintage look to spell out Lydia’s name for her window cill.  I’m looking forward to working on those along with making the letters that go in Lydia’s room. Then this fall when everyone goes back to school I plan on going through the older ones rooms.. repainting and giving them all a lift… It will be nice to get a fresh coat of paint on the walls and them reorganized for the start of the new school year.. But until then I have so much left to do downstairs.. finish up the kitchen painting, repaint my cabinets, paint Lydia’s room when it’s finished and the porch when it’s finished.. None of them will be quick projects with this being the start of our busy work season.. but I will get it all done eventually..

Well I have a very bouncy baby that thinks it’s time for dinner.. off I go..